OK, so maybe not in a new van, but I am back to work tomorrow.
I went onto maternity leave on December 9th and I had hoped that my daughter would arrive between the 9th and the 17th, but she decided to make her debut on the 20th so its only been two and half weeks since I came home from the hospital. I'm not sure if it's just the timing of it, but I have very mixed feelings about working again.
Over these past two weeks I've been on a whirlwind of emotions. Between feelings of inadequacy when my baby wasn't gaining weight (because no on tells you that feeding guidelines should be taken purely as just suggestions) and a recent aversion for being around people, including everyone but my husband and baby, I've been struggling with anxiety of going back. I'm anxious to be away from my baby, anxious to be away from home, pumping and working, anxious to be around other people and having to talk to them, answering the same questions over and over, and anxious about the possibility of having an emotional breakdown in front of others.
Regardless of my feelings, I've made a commitment and I can't complain too much because it's a very short day in the scheme of life, but it is signifying the end of my uninterrupted time at home. At the start of this I felt like I had so much time and now it's all gone and I didn't get anything done. All the plans that I had and I wasted my time doing who knows what. Even today, I had plans but found myself quite indisposed with fever and chills with what I believe was a brief mastitis infection.
I woke this morning and my breasts felt very sore, particularly my left side with an almost bruise like feel on outside towards the underside. While pumping helped to alleviate the engorged feel, I didn't start feeling better until after a hot shower. I wish I had been able to get a midday nap in because they say rest is key to getting better but the baby was very needy today and wouldn't let me put her down.
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
New Year, New Me
2019, here I come!
So, this year is starting off with a bang. Quite a great deal has happened in in the six years since my last post. In May of 2012 I was living with my parents, single and working a desk job. By the start of 2013 I had met, been camping with, and was headed on a pretty major trip with a man I was seriously dating.
We had a once in lifetime, though apparently some people have enough luck to have experienced it multiple times, experience to go on and all expenses paid trip to the Marlboro Ranch for five days and four nights. Being in Montana in January is an experience all to itself. When you add on the ranch and all that was included, it was definitely in the top five experiences of my lifetime.
By the start of 2014, I started a a new position at the company I was working at and participated in a few mud runs. I moved in with my boyfriend and was considering going back to college for business.
2015 greeted a completely different me. I lost my desk job, so my school plans got cancelled. I spent about five months soul searching on unemployment. I volunteered at a dog sheltered and eventually got a job at a dog kennel. In one day I became engaged and added a puppy to our household.
As 2016 rang in, I had started grooming dogs and was getting ready to start a new venture as a mobile pet groomer. Grooming had become a new passion for me.
Before 2017 started, we set a date for our wedding and managed to plan and execute said wedding in less than six months. It was everything I could have ever hoped for.
2018 left me a little battered and humbled. I went into a competition a little too confident and while, for my skill level, I did well enough, I certainly was out of my league. There was a lot of loss and it was all felt very deeply.
Now as we ring in 2019, I find myself once again very changed. I spent most of the year pregnant and shortly before Christmas I saw my daughter in person for the first time.
Life has most certainly changed since 2012 and I can only hope for the best.
So, this year is starting off with a bang. Quite a great deal has happened in in the six years since my last post. In May of 2012 I was living with my parents, single and working a desk job. By the start of 2013 I had met, been camping with, and was headed on a pretty major trip with a man I was seriously dating.
We had a once in lifetime, though apparently some people have enough luck to have experienced it multiple times, experience to go on and all expenses paid trip to the Marlboro Ranch for five days and four nights. Being in Montana in January is an experience all to itself. When you add on the ranch and all that was included, it was definitely in the top five experiences of my lifetime.
By the start of 2014, I started a a new position at the company I was working at and participated in a few mud runs. I moved in with my boyfriend and was considering going back to college for business.
2015 greeted a completely different me. I lost my desk job, so my school plans got cancelled. I spent about five months soul searching on unemployment. I volunteered at a dog sheltered and eventually got a job at a dog kennel. In one day I became engaged and added a puppy to our household.
As 2016 rang in, I had started grooming dogs and was getting ready to start a new venture as a mobile pet groomer. Grooming had become a new passion for me.
Before 2017 started, we set a date for our wedding and managed to plan and execute said wedding in less than six months. It was everything I could have ever hoped for.
2018 left me a little battered and humbled. I went into a competition a little too confident and while, for my skill level, I did well enough, I certainly was out of my league. There was a lot of loss and it was all felt very deeply.
Now as we ring in 2019, I find myself once again very changed. I spent most of the year pregnant and shortly before Christmas I saw my daughter in person for the first time.
Life has most certainly changed since 2012 and I can only hope for the best.
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